Good
morning to you, today is Tuesday, January 31, 2012, and I am your humble host,
the sultan of satire, the purveyor of non-pertinent information and as always the
troublemaker extraordinaire and I am coming to you recorded from the Eagle’s
nest here at wake up central with news you can’t use here on the Tuesday edition
of The Morning Wake Up Call.
Financial
12,653.72 -6.74
(-0.05%)
1,313.01 -3.32
(-0.25%)
2,811.94 -4.61
(-0.16%)
Election
The
Florida primary is today and most polls suggest that Mitt Romney will prevail
in this race. Stay tuned tomorrow for
the official results. The next contest
for these Presidential hopefuls will be Nevada and Maine on the 4th
of February.
Big Boy
DES MOINES, Iowa — An Iowa
woman has given birth to a boy weighing 13 pounds and 13 ounces – without the
aid of surgery.
Asher Stewardson was born Thursday at Mercy Medical Center in Des
Moines, measuring 23 1/2 inches long. Fifteen months ago, his brother, Judah,
arrived weighing 12 pounds and an ounce at birth.
Mercy officials say only a tenth of 1 percent of all newborns
weigh more than 11 pounds at birth.
The boys' mother, Kendall Stewardson, endured six hours of labor
without an epidural injection. She says she and her husband, Joshua, wanted to
avoid cesarean delivery because that wouldn't have been good for her or Asher.
(This is supposedly a true account recorded in
the Police Log of Sarasota, Florida.)
An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle.
She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her lungs, "I have a gun, and I know how to use it! Get out of the car!"
The four men didn't wait for a second threat. They got out and ran like mad.
The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into the driver's seat. She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition.
She tried and tried, and then she realized why. It was for the same reason that she had wondered why there was a football, a Frisbee and two 12-packs of beer in the front seat.
A few minutes later, she found her own car parked four or five spaces further down.
She loaded her bags into the car and drove to the police station to report her mistake.
The sergeant to whom she told the story couldn't stop laughing.
He pointed to the end of the counter, where four pale man were reporting a car jacking by a mad, elderly woman described as white, less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair, and carrying a large handgun.
No charges were filed.
Moral of the story? If you're going to have a senior moment...make it memorable.
An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle.
She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her lungs, "I have a gun, and I know how to use it! Get out of the car!"
The four men didn't wait for a second threat. They got out and ran like mad.
The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into the driver's seat. She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition.
She tried and tried, and then she realized why. It was for the same reason that she had wondered why there was a football, a Frisbee and two 12-packs of beer in the front seat.
A few minutes later, she found her own car parked four or five spaces further down.
She loaded her bags into the car and drove to the police station to report her mistake.
The sergeant to whom she told the story couldn't stop laughing.
He pointed to the end of the counter, where four pale man were reporting a car jacking by a mad, elderly woman described as white, less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair, and carrying a large handgun.
No charges were filed.
Moral of the story? If you're going to have a senior moment...make it memorable.
(Editor’s note) I have no clue as to the origin
of this story, however according to Snoops.com it is true.
9 Home Improvement
Tips
Repurpose A Shutter
Turn old shutters into wall-mounted magazine
holders to keep paper clutter at bay.
Add Trim To Window Shades
Sewing on a decorative trim to window shades is
an easy way to dress up your windows without purchasing new expensive drapes.
Replace A Showerhead
In case hard water has caused your showerhead
to calcify, or if it's just time to upgrade, keep these important tips in mind
when buying (or
replacing) a new showerhead.
Clean Out The Dryer Duct
The lint, dust and debris that collects in your
dryer duct can build up over time and become a fire hazard.
Install Key Chain Hooks
An alternative to a catchall for keys is to
nail a few hooks on the wall near the entrance so that you can hang your keys
up every time you enter or leave the house.
Caulk And Seal Gaps
Caulking or sealing gaps along edges and
between tiles in the shower and bath will keep it looking new. And it's an easy
and cost effective task that will definitely pay off in the long run.
Paint An Accent Wall
Create an instant focal point in a room with an
accent wall. It's cost-effective and will dramatically change the look of a
room. If you happen to have leftover paint, this is a great way to make use of
it.
Make A Tool Wall
Use a pegboard to organize all your household
tools and gadgets. It's a neat alternative to overstuffed toolboxes.
Clean The Fireplace
If you have a fireplace, don't let ash streaks
and messy soot take over, especially during these cold months. Give it a good,
quick cleaning.
Quote of the Day
Samuel Johnson (1709
- 1784)
Useless Facts
Donald Duck's middle name is Fauntleroy.
Legal Mumbo Jumbo
The
views and opinions expressed on this show are those of the host, guest, and
fans and not necessarily those of any organization represented by these
individuals.
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