Monday, Feb06 / Frat Party, Twins Reunited

Good morning to you, today is Monday, February 6, and I am your humble host, the sultan of satire, the purveyor of non-pertinent information and as always the troublemaker extraordinaire and I am coming to you recorded from the Eagle’s nest here at wake up central with news you can’t use here on the OMI Monday edition of The Morning Wake Up Call.

Sports

New York Giants take home the Super Bowl trophy last night defeating the New England Patriots by a score of 21-17.

Madonna preformed in the half-time show however there were no wardrobe malfunctions this year. 

Politics

Romney took home another victory in the Nevada Caucus collecting 50% of the votes, Gingrich, Paul and Santorum finished 2^nd, 3^rd and 4^th respectively.

Frat party. Beer. Firecracker. Rectum. Exploded. Lawsuit.

Those are the keywords you’ll be taking away from this article.

In 2011, at a party being held by the Alpha Tao Omega fraternity at West Virginia’s Marshall University, a fine young gentleman by the name of Travis Hughes (a member of said fraternity) came up with perhaps the greatest idea in the history of great ideas:

Let’s see if I can launch this bottle rocket from my anus!

So the intrepid young Travis stuck the firecracker stem up his butt and lit the fuse. Then his butt exploded.

Now, poor Travis and his fraternity are being sued by a guy named Louis Helmburg III. He was at the party and in the vicinity of Mr. Hughes when his butt blew up. As the lawsuit states, "Instead of launching, the bottle rocket blew up in the defendant's rectum, and this startled the plaintiff and caused him to jump back” and fall off a second story balcony.

Louis Helmberg says he suffered pain and incurred sizable medical expenses as a result of injuries sustained in the fall, and he believes the fraternity was negligent in supervising its guests and members.

But really, what could the fraternity possibly have done to prevent this? Should they have had a strict “no shooting firecrackers out your anus” policy? Because I think you just assume people won’t be doing stuff like that.

And even if they had a “no shooting firecrackers out your anus” policy, it’s my experience that once a dude really gets it in his head to break this type of rule, you’re just better off getting the hell out of the way.

Sadly, the lawsuit makes no mention of what ever happened to the guy with the blown up rectum. Hopefully he’s okay.

http://socialhype.com/news/frat-guy-blows-up-his-rectum-with-firecracker-now-being-sued/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=frat-guy-blows-up-his-rectum-with-firecracker-now-being-sued

Twins Reunited

This story sounds like a movie script, but it's not.Two Indonesian sisters -- twins -- separated at birth, found each nearly 30 years later, only to discover that they lived no more than 25 miles apart in South Sweden, the AFP reports.Emilie Falk and Lin Backman were both adopted in Indonesia by Swedish parents. However, neither set of parents was told about the other twin. Then, when they were leaving the orphanage, a taxi driver asked Backman's parents in passing about "the other one, the sister."Many years later, Falk decided to look for her sister. Using a network for Indonesian children adopted by Swedish parents and Facebook, Falk tracked Backman down, FamilyGP.com reports.DNA tests revealed that there is a 99.98 percent chance that the two are sisters.After getting the test results, Falk says she "suddenly started thinking that we shared a womb." "It was really strange, but really cool too," she told AFP.The girls are both teachers, got married on the same day only a year apart and danced to the same song at their weddings.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/02/03/indonesian-twins-lin-back_n_1252877.html?ncid=edlinkusaolp00000003

Quote of the Day

It is to be regretted that the rich and powerful too often bend the acts of government to their selfish purposes. Distinctions in society will always exist under every just government. – Andrew Jackson

Useless Facts

Cranberries are sorted for ripeness by bouncing them; a fully ripened cranberry can be dribbled like a basketball.

Legal Mumbo Jumbo

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